i really dun understand wat's wrong w/ liking chinese singers... issit any different from liking english singers? today, lecture was so humiliating that i really wanted to juz run home and cry my eyes out... darryl d suddenly brought up 5566 and f4 for no reason... immediately, huimin and the others all turned to look at me and started laughing... my face was so black but apparently no one cared to notice... i do not like 5566 and f4! then later worse, i thot he'd juz leave it at that, but he started asking who endorses converse... guess who does? -_____-" and still nobody got the hint and continued laughing at me, i tried to 敷衍 it over by pulling my jacket the hood over my head and made a joke out of it, but really, i was cringing inside...

it didn't juz stop there... after lecture, we were standing at the entrance of biz sch waiting for yew chong to come out and they started saying me again... my face went totally black and they were like "oh, she's getting angry again... btr shaddap..." yeah, but u shld've seen huimin's face, still smiling... everytime see my face black she'll stop but she doesn't think that it's a sensitive issue w/ me... i would've thot that being one of my closer frens, she'd know how i felt abt this kinda stuff, that i take it very seriously, but she still continued laughing, even tho she din suan me anymore... even kegan's smile died away when he saw me staring at them...

that's the whole reason y i stopped talking abt any chinese bands at all in front of them... wat's the point? they'll juz laugh at me! it's my character to 发花痴 abt the bands/singers i like, but that doesn't mean i'm so in love w/ them until i dunno wat's rite and wrong rite? whole day keep saying "get a life lah...", dun u know how hurting it is? i used to laugh it off whenever they said it, but nowadays, i juz keep quiet and let them say, cos wat's the point? seriously, wat's the point? if i defend myself, they'll think i'm a crazy fan and continue saying... if i dun, they will still continue saying...

it really hurts u know... so do i seem as if i dun have a life now? juz bcos i like going to energy's autograph session, juz bcos i like the thrill of chasing them, juz bcos i like attending concerts, juz bcos i like chinese songs, juz bcos i dun like the songs you like, i dun have a life? at least it's btr than studying all day and cooping myself up in the house and refusing to go out at all rite? and even then, ppl who really do that, like doing that, so why say them until like that? juz bcos their lifestyle is different frm ours, doesn't mean they're freaks, that they dun have a life...

it really made me wonder again wat's the point of liking energy... always give ppl say... but then again, i thought "hey, i like doing all those stuff.." i like chinese music, i like chinese bands, and if i like it, who's to stop me? music's my life, and i wanna make it my profession too, so who can stop me? if u dun like it, then u aren't really my fren, are u? i'm not gonna change myself for anyone now... i am who i am (omigod, i'm sounding like nick now) and no one's gonna change me... u can say hurting stuff, but i'll try my utmost best not to care... and if i do care, ur so gonna wish u didn't get under my skin like u did...

and it didn't help things that i was already upset abt not being able to go jb to see nan quan... and juz thinking abt how jin, tanleen, zoey and maybe jingfen are over there getting upclose and personal w/ them juz makes me feel worse...