to set the record straight, i'm not directing this entry at xq... i'm juz directing it to everyone in general, especially those who know that they're guilty of this...

firstly, after all the events that happened today, i really have to say that i'm sick of playing the good guy... i dunno why, but it seems that ppl like to take advantage of me juz bcos i'm nice to them... ok, so i dun like to say no, but that doesn't mean that i dun have a temper (i do, and a very short one at that), so maybe u guys shld consider my opinion before juz assuming that i'll do anything and everything for u?

i'm sick of having ppl demand that i do something for them when wat i'm doing for them would be a favour for them... if u can do it urself, y not do it urself?? y ask me? juz bcos i'm so easy to ask a favour frm, doesn't mean that i'm obliged, like it's my duty, to do it for u... maybe u can ask me "can u do me a favour? i'm in deep shit..." or something to that context, instead of "hey, can u buy this for me? wat time will i meet u later?" like hello? did i even say i'd buy anything for u??

i'm so sick, so fucking sick of being nice to ppl and no one does anything back for me! like my fucking brother, he thinks he's like the king of the household... i've done so many stuff for him, countless of times, when i didn't need to, all bcos he's my brother, and like since we're family, y dun i do it? but it seems like all this is wasted on a wooden asshole like him... he only thinks for himself and he has shit for brains... everything abt him is "me, me, me" and u know wat? now that i think abt it, i actually have frens out there who are liddat too... these are the ppl i'm directing this entry to too...

last nite, i agreed to help xq do her essays cos i didn't have anything to do, and i didn't see any harm in helping her... thanks to my koyak msn and internet connection, i couldn't send the 2nd essay to her... i stayed up until 2+, got a scolding frm my dad who woke up to find me still using the com...

this in itself was still ok, cos i get that often... but today was my mom's bday... bcos of last nite, i slept until 10+, almost 11, and when i woke up, i quickly washed up and locked myself in my room to finish wrapping my mom's present... i was determined to make her bday this yr special... boy was i wrong... when i came out of my room to pass it to her, i saw all of them dressed up and ready to go somewhere so i asked them where they were going... my dad said they were taking my mom out to eat dim sum... so i asked them to wait while i went to bathe...

while i was bathing, i asked my bro to send the essay to xq, but he selfishly said no... hello, while ur waiting for me to bathe finish, u can at least send the thing to her rite? then dun need to waste time wat! summore i dunno wat time we'll be coming home, so if i send it to her now, then she can continue working on it wat... but no, he didn't want to, so when i came out, i had to rush around and send the essay to her while i got ready... and the fucking asshole i have for a brother still can sit outside and have the cheek to argue w/ me...

i was like "u so free why can't u send it for me?" and he's like "i dun want that means dun want, cannot issit? besides, u cld've woken up earlier to do it!"

WAKE UP EARLY?! NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME THAT THEY WERE GOING OUT TODAY! i asked and asked last nite whether we were going out today but NO ONE told me! so now it's my fault that i didn't wanna wake up earlier to send the essay?! wat kind of fucking twisted logic is that?!

ended up my whole family angry at me and dun wanna talk to me, and while i went out of the house, i was juz crying like nobody's business... i felt like no one understood me, and no one BOTHERED to understand me... this is wat i get for being nice? then i dun wanna be nice anymore... i'd rather be a selfish bastard like my brother... seems like he enjoys life quite nicely as a selfish bastard... get to take the mp3 player that he originally said he'd give me (since he already has a working discman, as opposed to mine), get to have the computer in his room, get to make himself self-declared administrator and overall owner of the com juz bcos it's in his room, gets to take daily pocket money frm my dad and i've to slog my butt off every month juz to make ends meet... he gets all the fucking good stuff! so yeah, maybe i shld juz be a selfish bastard, yeah?

i so didn't wanna make the day unhappy for my mom, i wanted her to have a good time! and seems like the selfish bastard of my brother juz made her angry... hah! he got his just desserts! FUCK YOU RIGHT BACK, MAN!

i know this sounds very much like i'm directing this at xq, but i'm really not... everything's fine w/ her now, and she knows how i feel and everything... like i said, i'm directing this at others...