haaaaaaaiiiiizzzzzzzz........... boring cny this yr!! T__________T cos cannot go and 拜年!! so today we slacked at home until 1+, then went to my godgrandparents' place...

awwwww... i love them so much! especially gong gong... i guess i'm closer to gong gong than to mama, and it's the same w/ gong gong too... before we left, i gave him 2 big hugs, and suddenly felt like crying, like so sad that i'm leaving, like as if i would never see them again... choy choy, but... bad omen? *shudders* btr not think so much abt it... and he said "i like u most, i've always liked u the best. ur always the only one who understands me the most." and other stuff abt being a btr christian and leading the others on a right path... but when i heard the "i like u most" part, i was so happy! hahahaha, cos i feel the same abt him too... everytime i go to their house, i look forward to seeing gong gong and listening to him talk... i know he talks alot, but i know he loves ppl listening to him talk, and i love listening to him talk, so we're good for each other! ^^ although he's a little lor sor and doesn't get to the point of the story fast enough (and always side-tracks too), i still love listening to him... i may be the only one in the family who does too...

gong gong seemed very sad (or angry?) today... he kept telling us stuff abt jesus (like he does all the time) and then told us to forget it if we didn't like wat he was saying, cos my dad isn't really a christian, he juz follows my mom to church to prevent any arguments... gong gong sounded quite sad... i dun really know how to explain the feeling... but i felt so sad juz looking at him... like no one but me understood how he feels... my mom thinks he bullys mama... and maybe he does that, a little, but then again, most men frm his generation are mcps, aren't they? and i really wanted to listen to his stories but i was juz so tired and fell asleep halfway... i think i disappointed him greatly... my mom said he said before that he has never treated my family like his own relatives, and i'm quite sad abt that too, cos i love him a whole lot, prob even more than mama...

and my mom was being a real 2-faced bitch... ok, i know we had to leave a little earlier to go to my grandma's house, so she had to keep cutting him off to remind him that we had to go... but gong gong wanted to continue talking, and i guess we all felt bad to cut him off, so we let him continue... then my mom went to the kitchen to call my aunt and asked her to call my dad so he had an excuse to leave... then she came out while my dad's phone was ringing, and when he was on the phone w/ my aunt, she acted innocent and kept asking who was it? like she didn't know!

all the while i was looking at gong gong, and everytime i think abt the expression i saw on his face, i feel so sad! really very sad! even now, i feel like crying when i think abt him... i saw an old man, so disappointed that we couldn't stay, and hurt that we were actually finding excuses to leave... gong gong said "u shldn't have come today... ur all so busy..." and i was really lost for words... i could only sit there quietly and feel his pain... i know how much he loves having company over, and how he loves talking to ppl... haiz... i juz... i juz wish everything was juz plain and simple...

so after we left, my mom started bitching abt gong gong non-stop... and even when we reached my grandmother's place, she was still bitching abt him, and even blamed my father for not leaving earlier... like wat the hell?? they're your godparents rite? so it's partly your responsibility too, isn't it?? so why the hell are u pushing the blame? if anyone's to blame, i'd say it was all of us... she juz wanted to get to my grandma's place earlier, so we could leave earlier, so we could get home to eat dinner on time... wat kind of lame reason is that?? like the ppl u love dun matter juz bcos u wanna eat dinner??

i feel so disappointed that i have such a mother... i feel sorry for mama and gong gong for having such a goddaughter... my mom only dotes on mama and puts on an act in front of gong gong, she actually doesn't like him much... sometimes, i think i'm the only one who really loves gong gong for who he is... and mama too of cos... i can tell she still loves him even though she says she wants to hit him sometimes, cos he's so idiotic... hahahaha... *sigh* it's juz been a bad day today...