I have so much to blog about, about meeting up with the Wah Lau Eh Gang, about my dear Bball family, but I can't blog. I am in no mood to do so. I've spent the last few days in a daze, and I wonder just when I'll snap out of it. Right now, I'm too numb to cry, to numb to feel anything. I wish I could cry, but I don't think I can. I just stare into space instead. I'm too tired for anything.

Put me out of this misery, please. You promised, but I still haven't heard anything from you.

But I'll carry on blogging, not about past events, but about you. A different you. Not the you that I was referring to just now.

I know of you. Yes, you. All you people whom I don't want reading my blog. I don't want you here, but I can't stop you from being here either.

I used to think I had nothing to hide, that I could just dump my emotional baggage at the check-in counter that is my blog.

But things aren't that simple anymore. And though I don't wish for it to happen, my blog has become so pretentious, like many others out there. Truly, innocence and simplicity can never survive for long in a harsh reality.

Perhaps I'll come out of all of this a new person. Perhaps I've learnt something from all the hypocrisy. I don't know yet, because I'm the stupong, remember? I take ages to process things.

But through all the heartbreak and pain, all the good and bad times, I know I'll emerge stronger. The same thing I tell my friends when they go through a tough time. But it never occurred to me that they may emerge stronger, but they will still remain emotionally battered within, like how I feel now. All thanks to my over-trusting heart.

I'm going to make a fresh start in my blog. I'm not going to change the URL, or delete any entries. I don't wanna hide anything, you can go ahead and dig up the past, for all it's worth. But I'm still going to directly address those unwanted people reading my blog.

From now on, I'm not going to talk about us ever again in my blog. That is what my private blogs are for. Go ahead, try to search the net for those blogs. I will applaud your determintation in trying to dig out any scrap of info you can find.

My relationship with him is between the both of us, and whether it turns out better or worse, I don't think it's for the public to know. Not anymore. I've learnt my lesson the hard way and I'll deal with it.

All I ask is that you leave us alone, please. It's hard enough without gossip and rumours finding their way to my ears.

And I trust him when he says he doesn't read my blog, even though he knows its URL.

My future entries may be boring to you without any juicy gossip for you to share over lunch or dinner, but it'll always be interesting to the people who genuinely care. And only to these people will I talk to about my relationship. I also thank them from the bottom of my heart for trying to help me through those times, mostly from behind me back. *winks*

This will be my last entry about him, about us. To you, milk this for all it's worth, take all the insinuations you can find. I don't care anymore. Because it won't happen again, there won't be anymore entries for you to reap your gossip fodder. I hope you feel ashamed.