I-Guides workshop made me damn shagged. Feel I'm such a failure at being in a Program Committee, even though I already did my best.

'Cos I just found out I won't be in Program Comm for OTC either. That's ok, being a GL is fine with me too. But I really wanted to be in Program! Then at least I won't have to---

Ok, never mind, forget it. I'm just typing as I'm thinking, which doesn't make much sense of my thoughts at all.

Back to I-Guides workshop. I know I let my station masters down, basically leave them to die. I wish I could've improved situations, let them have more training time to familiarise themselves with the games. I don't know how many of you are reading my blog now, but I'd like you to know that I tried to make everything easier for you guys. I really did. I didn't want any of you to be burdened by log stuff at all, that's why I didn't tell you much about the games. I thought I could do it.

*Sigh* Guess not. There wasn't enough time for everything, and the one thing I hate most is when everyone complains about this and that when you've tried your darned-est best in putting the whole thing together. How could I have given you more training time when everyone's complaining about how late we have to meet?

Just wish that if you guys were committed enough to be in Program, then everything could have turned out smoothly.

Well, at least the 3 of us didn't tio gan from Hock Chuan during the debriefing. Phew.

Don't know, I just feel like I'm a failure lah. At everything. Have never felt this way before. Where is the happy girl I used to be?!!

I was so excited about Multimedia, and now Kenny Yong tells me that my proposal is more for Singlecam than for Multimedia. I suspect my credits will have more effects than the whole movie altogether. Shit.

I'm such a failure!!!! I can't do anything well. I'm so mediocre, I'm the mediocre of the mediocre. Whenever I think I'm good at something, I find someone better than me at it. I can't hold on to anything in life. I really don't see the point in living, but I'm too afraid of death to commit suicide. So stupid.

No point counselling me, 'cos I promise I'll never commit suicide. I'll just live my life miserably. I have no ambition, no nothing. I'm useless. All I wanna do is just to make life easier for the people I care about. What kind of ambition is that?

Totally useless.